As noted in a previous post here, it is a Class Notes tradition to go to bed before midnight on New Year's Eve. Since that's the only time I ever get to do it.

See you guys next year!

By all rights, today should have been an excellent day. There was only homework due for one class, for one thing. I got lunch, for another. And then there was that little matter of the interview being scheduled for Friday. I hold out high hopes that the third time's (company-wise) going to be a charm. And yet instead I am feeling bleak and unfulfilled and incredibly tired and wondering about fundamental questions of human nature such as, "Have I become an antisocial type-A headcase with a prima donna complex and no capacity for intimacy?"

Some people, they just have dinner at the end of a long day and hold the philosophy. How mundane.

Thing is, after four quarters of dealing with this, I've become quite the expert at it. This is exactly the sort of thing I wonder when I've had too little sleep and too much stress, and everything fits that pattern. I know I need nine or ten hours a night, or the depression sets in. And while I'm only in 24 credits this time around, last quarter three of them were "Internship Experience"--namely, "you work and we give you credit". This time around, I'm still working (in fact, logging more hours), and putting in an extra hour at school because I had to add another three-credit class to replace the Free Credits for working.

And to be perfectly honest, this quarter is kicking my ass because of it. It's not going to be a pretty quarter. In fact, it has already shown signs of being a wretched, ugly quarter. And I haven't even had graded work sent back yet.

So I know that there are perfectly good reasons to feel this way. Unfortunately, that knowledge doesn't help a damned bit.

Equally unfortunately, I have a nagging suspicion that the feelings are absolutely correct.

(Except for the prima donna part. It's correct, but not unfortunate.)

UPDATE: Having clicked around Xanga for the last fifteen minutes, I feel much better. I have realized two things: firstly, that no one has steady, stable, meaningful interpersonal relationships while in college, and secondly, that everyone else in college is working retail.

Yes, I'm going to Hell. But I feel better anyway!

Updates have been sparse lately, I admit. I'm going to try to fix that, because I need a record of this time of insanity for later "projects", but don't hold your breath. For that matter, don't cross your fingers, either, because it's difficult to go about your daily activities with permanently crossed fingers[1].

But enough of that. You are probably all waiting--with bated breath[2]--for the Fall Quarter 2005-2006 rundown. Mmm? Well? Yes?

• Credits: 25.
  
• Classes: Nine.
  
• Term GPA: 4.0.
  

Yes. I did it.

So I'm rather pleased with myself. Extremely pleased with myself, actually. Wouldn't you be?

This quarter's 24 credits. My graduation date is a little fuzzy; it's either going to be Winter 2006-2007 or Spring 2006-2007. More on that later[3], as well as post-graduation plans.

Right. So. Let me tell you a story.

Way back in the summer, I came to the conclusion that my job sucked. I mean, it didn't just suck, it blew. It blew chunks. Being paged at 4 AM, repeatedly, and twice on holiday weekends for the same stupid issue (which wasn't pager-worthy in the first place), is not a fun thing, particularly when you're being paid less than you were last summer.

(And last summer, there was no pager.)

So loyalty gone, I began to send out resumes. In general, I have a pretty good response rate, but there just wasn't that much out there. I applied to three places.

The first wanted someone to be on 24/7 pager duty; to completely upgrade and improve their entire datacenter architecture on no budget (the previous admin told me in confidence in an interview that his plan to implement server redundancy had been turned down for budget reasons); to thoroughly document everything; and to be available constantly.

when I came in to first speak to their current administrator (who was leaving; smart man), the conversation went like this:

Current admin: "Are you the $NAME who wrote $ARTICLETITLE?"
Me: "Yes, yes I am. You're familiar?"
Current admin: "I used your article to create a redundancy plan for our company."
Me (thinking): Cha-ching!

There was another administrator. He had been hired straight from--I shit you not-- a gas station, because "he had so much talent". It would also have been my job to train this gentleman.

In other words, they wanted someone to work her ass off, with no managerial support, no budget, and no vacation. How much do you think they wanted to pay for this?

Bear in mind that the SAGE salary average for my area and experience is roughly $24 an hour.

The offer, when it came (as I knew it would), was $13 an hour--but there was a guaranteed raise to $14 after two months, and $15 after another two! Wow! How could I possibly pass this up?!

I didn't laugh in their faces, but it was close. I quoted them the SAGE average and said BARE MINIMUM was $20 an hour. The manager said, "We'll get back to you Wednesday." They never did. They're still looking for someone.

Right. Application #2 was a financial services company, an intern position that had Solaris. The scumbuckets didn't get back to me, breaking my continuous streak of replies to cover letters.

It made me angry. But anyway. That's not what I'm here to talk about.

Then I applied for another position. I did it on a Sunday night, and I got a call on Tuesday afternoon. We scheduled an interview for the Friday after next.

I went to the interview. It went well. The position was basically a monitoring position--the equivalent of network operations center staff, people to watch the thingy and make sure that the blinky lights don't go off.

I was hugely overqualified. Everyone in the room knew it. In fact, they asked me if I was sure I was still interested. I said yes, of course, because in the game of interviewing, the objective is to get an offer; but to be honest, I wasn't sure. In fact, I was pretty sure I didn't want to do it; it would have been second shift work, and it wouldn't have been a five-minute commute like I have now, and it wouldn't have been quite as good for the resume.

They said, "We'll get back to you in two weeks," and shooed me out the door, and I was happy to go.

While all of this was going on (because this was happening over the last three or four months), I finished a project. My job got a lot better. My boss began to pay some more attention to me.

In other words, things generally sucked less and less, until I felt, this week, that I had reached a happy equilibrium. It was two weeks on Friday, and I hadn't received a call. I didn't really mind. I went to a career fair on Friday and handed out three resumes; only one of those was a job I considered a possible good prospect. I was okay with school, and I was okay with work. I'm okay! You're okay! Everyone's happy!

And then. Then. God damnit.

They had the nerve to go disturbing my happy place. They called me. And now they want me to come back and observe the job for three or four hours, which is code for, "We want to make you an offer if you don't fall asleep."

And now I'll have to make a decision! And I don't have time for this! And it's inconvenient! Don't they know I'm busy?!

The nerve of some people. It's such a pain in the ass to be qualified sometimes.

• Excel is not a scalable tool for an accounting project.
  
• That said, there are worse. KSpread, for instance.
  
• There are few things sweeter than receiving three credits for two hours of your time and $300.
  
• Unless it's receiving four credits for two hours of your time and $60.
  
• But the former is sweeter if work is buying.
  
• For most of today, I cleaned my apartment. Now I'm doing schoolwork more than forty-eight hours before it's due. They're undoubtedly wearing parkas in Hell right about now.
  
• Song of the day: "Swing Life Away".
  
• It's week eight on Monday. I really ought to update more often.
  
• Fun educational fact: I will be a junior (after four quarters, or a year and a third) at the end of this quarter.
  
• Fun educational fact #2: Assuming I finish testing out of everything I need to test out of before February, I will be a senior (after five quarters, or a year and two-thirds) at the end of winter quarter.
  
• Yes. Yes, I do sometimes get the vague, uneasy feeling that if what I'm doing isn't illegal, it ought to be.
  
• Why bullet points? Why the hell not?!